Longing Too
by Self-san
Summary: Not being Yuuki certainly had some interesting effects, especially with one silver-haired Hunter. AU. Sequel to Face The Truth.


Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight.

_She didn't cry as the whip fell across her back. The feeling of him pushing inside her didn't make her scream. She felt so helpless. So alone. But she had saved them, they were alive and that- she jerked from the fist across her face. She could hear them talking, hissing around fangs. They dipped into her veins and stole her life away, day by day. _

_It was dark. The smell of grave and the feeling of fear wrapped around her like a blanket. It smothered her and she fought against the hands that held her down. They pinched her arms and pushed her into the box. _

_She screamed as she was lowered, the earth opening it's gapping jaws and swallowing her coffin whol-_

It was hot.

With a jerk, she sat straight up in bed, the covers falling to pool around her waist. Sucking in fast breaths, she wiped at the sweat on her forehead.

She groaned and flopped back onto the bed, her short hair matted under her head. The heater must have been glitching. Again.

Squirming her way out of the covers she ignored the cold hardwood under her bare feet and scrubbed the sleep from her eyes. With the dream coming back, she was insanely grateful for the heater messing up. She likely would've seen the damned thing through to the bloody, horrifying end otherwise.

It was always the same. But it had no words to describe the feeling of fingers on her face and the feeling of-

She choked with fear just thinking about it.

She shook herself, pushing it to the back of her mind. It was hard, but she managed. Her head began to throb as it always did after a day of whispers in her head, a tornado or color that blinded her from the world, and a night of terror in her mind.

Her breath came in gasps as she noticed that she was doubled over in fear.

_She needed to get out of the darkness. _

Walking blindly through the dark of her room, she scratched at her neck. It didn't really hurt exactly, but it was tender. In the hallway she glanced at the grandfather clock and sighed dejectedly. It was three in the morning and she knew that she would be tired during the day…again.

What a horrible way to start high school.

Slipping down the stairs she blinked her teary eyes at the harsh florescent light streaming from the kitchen. Ruffling her bangs from her cheeks she stepped inside, a hand over her face blocking the worst of the glare. She shuffled to the counter by the sink and hopped up, reaching for the medicine cabinet. Her hand found the large bottle of painkillers and she grabbed a cup of water.

She could hear Zero breathing behind her where he sat at the bar. Carrying the large plastic cup by her teeth and the painkillers down her undershirt, she used her hands to get down and move to the bar. Setting them down, she blinked when her eyes finally adjusted.

Her head started to really hurt as she looked at her friend.

Zero stared at her. He sat hunched over the table, his hair gleaming in the light. She wanted to touch it, but from the look of pain on his face, he wouldn't like it. So, she popped out two Advil and sat one in front of him, swallowing hers quickly.

His breathing started coming in harsh pants, his eyes clenching shut and his fists curling closed on the table. She watched as the silver-metal ate just a little bit more of the black. The blue swirled in frantic rotations, the same color blending and snapping over and under the metallic battle. He was started clutching at his throat and she reached over and grabbed his hand before he started clawing at himself. He scowled at her, but didn't try and take his hand out of her hold.

Her hips pressed painfully into the metal top where she was leaning and her toes ached from her standing on them to reach Zero. She _relished_ the pain as it sharpened her mind.

Her gaze focused on Zero and stayed there. She could see the minute shine off of his earrings and shook her head to get her hair out of her face.

Her cut was a lot like his, only slightly longer, really. And brown. She wasn't lucky enough to have his gorgeous coloration.

She comforted herself with the fact that at least she had pale skin like Zero. It wasn't as drastically white as Kaname's, but it was still pale and it off set her orange eyes and auburn hair nicely, she thought.

Zero bowed his head and she could hear him trying to control his breathing. When it wasn't so ragged, she slowly let go of his hand and walked to where he was sitting. She didn't touch him yet, merely climbing the stool and proceeding to sit on the metal countertop. When she was comfortably facing him, she let her legs swing some. She was so short. She wanted to bemoan the lack of height, but how could she when it had let her beat Zero so many times in sparring?

Looking at her calloused hands, she thought of Kaname's. Elegant, long, soft. So unlike hers. Not that she'd ever heard him complain when she held his hand, er, rather, held his fingers. His hand practically ate hers. Just like Zero's. Drumming her fingers on her knees, she wished she could break the silence. But, if Zero wanted to talk, he'd have to talk to her. It couldn't be the other way around. Not on nights like this.

Magic. He cleared his throat and lifted his head from the table. A red mark was left from where he had pressed into the metal. She leaned back and grabbed the cup of water, picking up the Advil on her way. She placed the pill on his lips, and he held it with his teeth as she helped him hold the water to swallow it.

She felt her heart break just a little bit more as her sight shifted to see Zero. Still half whole; she could tell by the blank cavern that took half his color. She wondered what ever could have stolen half of Zero's Self.

_At least_, she thought, _his wholeness wasn't the problem right now_. What was…she didn't…really know.

As he finished the cup, she gestured for more, but he shook his head no. She thought it smart; less to throw-up later. Her mind wandered some and she watched Zero scrub at his face with the palms of his hands. _I really should stop calling them colors._ From the books she had read, they were a person's _aura_. But…aura just sounded too…faux to her. It wasn't like she was magical or anything. She could just…she was just…

Different. Though she had lost count of the times she had longed not to be.

Even after so long, she wondered, wishing she knew why she knew the things she knew. Why she could hear the whispered screams of the vampires Kaien killed. Why she could see people's moods and colors. Why she could tell a Vampire from a Hunter. Really, there had to be others out there like her, she'd just have to find-

"You alright?"

She flicked her head towards him in surprise. His voice was rough, but he sounded concerned.

"You're one to ask," she replied as she reached out to trace the dark circles under his eyes. He didn't flinch, but she could feel the want to. Zero _didn't_ like being touched.

"Really?" he snorted and grabbed her hand, his own reaching up to trace her matching raccoon eyes hesitantly.

She smiled at him, tired to the bone. The nightmare was eating her alive. She wasn't sure how much longer she could pull off the no-sleep-thing. _Certainly not for much longer._ Kaien and Zero had both taken an interest and she was glad that she didn't scream when she had the damn thing. She closed her eyes and let his large hand cup her face. She could feel the rather annoying brush of hair over her cheeks but she was just so tired. She wondered if Zero would let her sleep with him. Probably not tonight. It would be her last chance to, too.

In the morning they'd be joining the day class of Cross Academy. Or, rather, she'd be joining the day class. She didn't know about Zero yet.

"Sen, what's going on with you?" he asked softly and she blinked her eyes open. His face was in her space and his other hand was on her face now too. She realized her hands were in her lap and at his question she tensed.

Sleepless nights and that fucking concern in his voice made her temper soar in a bottle rocket full of rage that surprised them both with its vehemence.

"What's going on _with me_? _**Me**_? What the hell is going on with _**you**_ Zero Kiryu?" she hissed at him as she clutched at his wrists. He flinched, trying to pull away, but she didn't let him.

_No sleep makes me stupid_, she thought, but she couldn't stop, not when she was on a roll.

"Something is happening to you, Zero! Something is _tearing you up on the inside and you aren't telling me!" _

His eyes widened and he jerked backwards hard, trying to get away from her. Her grip held firm and so with a clatter of chair, she followed him to the linoleum.

She fell in an awkward heap atop him and moved to straddle his chest.

"What Zero? _What_?" She threw the words at him, angry, exhausted tears welling up.

"I can't!" He screamed at her, surging up and flipping them. Her leg caught the chair in a scrape of skin and she felt the blood begin to well up.

He froze above her, and she watched with growing horror as his eyes turned a glowing red.

His lips pulled back and he hissed at her, his canines growing long. His hands were still on her face and she could feel his nails extending.

She gripped his wrists harder and stared at him. She watched as the silver won out and she wondered if this was how she was going to die. Her best friend would be killing her for food and leaving behind a soulless husk.

She couldn't fight him. He would be too strong. She felt the tears well and she clenched her jaw shut to stop them. _I knew it I knew it I knew it!_

He had to be in such pain. How could he not have _**told**_ her? He was her _best friend_! But she had known, hadn't she? She just hadn't wanted to believe it. Not Zero, anyone but him.

All those sleepless nights. Those changing lunar schedules. The physical distance that he imposed on them. The tattoo… Hunter _witchcraft_. It hadn't been Zero's fault. It had been hers. She had been blind. She had known, but not realized. She had refused to see what had been slapping her in the face for the last four years. The vampire that had killed his family had set out to kill _him_ too. Only with suffering. Zero would be taken over by his instincts, would become the thing he hated more than everything. And she…would loose her only friend. No blood tablets would ever save him. _Not now._

She felt the tears begin to leak and she let go of his wrists to capture his face. His eyes turned from her neck and she watched as the amethyst creep and slink back into its rightful place in her friends eyes. The silver metal receded some, allowing the black to breath.

She let out a dry sob. He tried to get away from her but she held his face. Gently, so gently. She was afraid. _So afraid_. She couldn't do anything. _Not a single goddamn thing to help him_!

All of this flashed through her head at an alarming speed which she only ever experienced when she _remember_ things. His hands were now on her wrists, encircling them as he tried to move her hands.

She swallowed dryly and touched his hair. Her eyes roamed his face and she saw when he realized that she wasn't crying for herself. His face hardened and his eyes turned to anguish as they held her teary ones. They let go at the same time and she wrapped herself around him bodily, no tears escaping her.

She breathed in his smell. _Guy, soap, skin._ It was all so Zero. He held her too, wrapping hesitant arms around her back as he laid them on their sides on the cold floor. Like so many years ago, they were dressed in shorts and thin tops.

She didn't know how long they lay there. Him holding her, her holding him. It didn't matter. But when she let him go and scrambled up, her eyes were dry and her hand offered to him. He took it and they stared. She put on her game face and kept hold of his hand as he stood.

"I think we need to talk."

"Me too."

And that was that.


End file.
